i d!= dream

went for cac trials today... by rite it's suppose to start at 9... but it only starts at 1030... had to wait in the grandstand... felt like an idiot.. waste my time... game finally started but they took us to the wrong station. had to wait for sometime before they can decide and make us move to the correct station. today's sun is really terrible.. my toes had the burning sensation halfway through the trials... it's even worst then sentosa trials yesterday with csc... and i din put sun block today... shoulders and neck is now very red... and my feet had the marks of my sandals... and the ICs had to make long "discussion" while all of us is standing on the chairs under the big hot sun... my head is already spinning le loh... yesterday had sentosa trials already one whole day spent... and not much excess energy left... today they make us stand under the sun... it's really killing me... it also brought out my agressive nature... got really agressive during the dog and tail game... felt so bad towards the two opponents... sorry sorry... i really not on purpose one... juz got really fed up with the management and organisation... haiz....... and i'm really pissed and angry with liyan... yes, i know it was me last time who asked u to be the kc... but pls do not forget that u had agree to it urself too... u can for all u want reject me... and make us find another kc... it's very irritating that u have to keep on saying that it's all my fault that i got u into all this trials shitty business... and besides keep on saying it to my face, u had to go around and tell others also... it's really getting on my nerves now... i may not have express my unhappiness but that doesnt mean i like wat u say... if u dun stop soon, my dear friend... i think i may explode... i've been trying to keep my temper down le... it's really very upsetting when u keep on saying it's my fault that i drag u into the camp as kc... and seriously everytime u say that it makes me go depress for a long long time... i may still look and tok cheerfully but seriously that is all act... and whenever i go high, it's really the beginning to a very long period of down-ness.... i may be very enthu all of a sudden, and start toking all sorts of nonsense to make everyone happy, but that doesnt mean i'm happy... i think i can really act... someday maybe i shld go audition in tcs... anyway, back to today... i'm sure liyan also got pissed that i keep on saying i want to leave... but i cant be bothered... wat a great fren i am rite? kicked myself... eve din even complain yesterday when she went down to pei liyan... argh..........irritating me......... went home after the trials, bought the game with lots of puzzle... wait for bryan to come and play with me on thurs... got home and went online for a while... felt tired and down so decided i shld got take a nap... juz so great that bryan had to call and ask me why i want to sleep... and then he had to say becoz u're a pig... great! fine! damn it... since u got the answer already, why on earth did u call and ask me? i rather u keep it to urself can? ok, maybe i'm too sensitive... but i'm seriously not in a very good mood to hear all the nonsense that they are pouring into my head........ and i had to act as if i'm fine, i'm ok... for a very obvious reason... i'm not fine, i'm not ok! i'm so not in the mood for everything now... and i vowed i will not attend anymore cac camp trials! never! maybe i shld even pull out from the camp! damn it! i'm so sorry that i had to blog such unhappy things... but it's really a way for me to let out all my stress...