i d!= dream

好辛苦啊。。。 this wk has been really a very xiong wk for me... one whole week of pub drive for xqrj... think i perfected my skills in faking... can juz keep on smiling and smiling and give ppl such a sincere face no matter wat i'm feeling inside... actually manage to make ppl take watever crap that i'm giving out... whether they want it or not... hahhahaha... wat crap... then it took up all my free time...lots of tut and assignment still undone... went to ntu.. and did promotion in sch also.. then got to help close booth for 3 days continuously also.. dunno is i stupid or wat...before closing of booth, many already find excuse to run away liao.. only me 笨笨stay there to help... wat's wrong with my head? why am i always so responsible??? why cant i juz 放下??? then on thurs i was so dizzy the whole day loh... my world is juz spinning and spinning... i juz feel like 缩成一团， 像只猫一样的在地上缩成一团... that day i even skip my eng tut coz i really cant take it anymore... but i force myself to do the promotion for xqrj... juz becoz i was allocated for the slots... why am i so stupid??? some more had to help close the booth... and had to carry all the heavy stuff... 我真是笨。。。and the other gers can juz say they cant carry heavy stuff so they juz carry the light light stuff.... why din i show that i'm not feeling well?? why din i tell them i'm not feeling well??? why did i juz 硬撑??? why from young to now i still haven learn the lesson??? why did i forever juz dunno how to voice out my weakness??? why do i always have to put on a strong front for others??? wat's wrong with me???

anyway, shouldnt think too much abt it le... hmmm... recently juz realise something abt the dreams that i'm having since young.... i'm always trying to escape from someone or something... and the only way that i can save myself from the situation is to wake up... why am i always running away from something? wat's my dreams trying to tell me?? or wat's it trying to reflect?? i really wonder... wat's the meaning??

anyway, next... did some online quiz... found it really very 准... it says when it comes to relationship... i'm always 做作... 明明喜欢一个人， 可是却要装作不喜欢， 而且要与他保持距离。。。the suggestion the quiz give is to tell that person that i like him... hahhaa... 可是说得容易，做却很难啊。。。 i juz cant bring myself to tell the person... hahaha... wat a coward i am... i can juz be friends with the person... but i cant make myself say it... hahaha.... but maybe it's like wat jie mei use to say... maybe bcoz it's not 'the one' that's why i cant say it out... maybe if i really meet the one, i be able to say it out loud... to show the world that i really cant do without the person... hahahah... suddenly tot of this scene in MY BESTFRIEND'S WEDDING... the male lead was telling julie roberts that the ger he's marrying is nv afraid to show him how much she loves him in the public.. that she wont mind hugging him and kiss him in front of the others... but when he was with jr, jr wont allow him to kiss her in the public... hahaha... now i think if i really meet with the one, i mustn't be afraid to show him that i love him... hahaha... wonder if i could really do wat i say now...

hmm... my laptop really got prob le... think i really have to bring it to com centre to fix it le... juz cant get into the net no matter how... funny but i can assess the sch's intranet... stupid netwk... tml bringing com down to com centre with liyan... hahaha... liyan so nice... willing to 陪我去。heehee... hmmm... now come to think of it... i'm really thankful to have liyan as a friend... there's so many things she's willing to do with me... she's really like a pillar of support for me now... now that i'm not really feeling very well emotionally, seeing her i feel better le... coz i know she's always there to help and listen to me crap... no matter wat crap i have to say... there're things that i need not say it out to her, but i know that she understands... and that means so much to me... coz i know i'm not that kind of person who like to speak alot... the fact that she can juz understand even when i say nothing is so special...of coz there's still a lot of stuff that i nv tell her.. but it doesnt matter.. i'm juz glad to have her ard...

i shld really shut off my emotions le... i want to become a 木头!!! then i wont feel miserable, then i wont feel so bother abt those emotion stuff... hahaha... mommy was juz saying i shld bring home someone to fight for food with gor's gf... hahaha... so funny... like it's so easy like that... weird... mommy dont use to talk abt such stuff one loh... suddenly dunno y now come uni she also starts to nag liao... hahahaa... no no no... i shldn't be thinking abt all such stuff... no more emotions.... i muz turn back to my 没心没肝 mode... be 铁石心肠... i can do it one... rather have someone that loves me more than i love him... then i wont have to be so 痛苦... hahahaha... like a cat 要来就来，要走就走。。。dont be so emotionally attached to anyone...

hahaha... guess this blog that i'm writing got no sense of organisation at all... merely writing watever that come into my mind....shld be writing essay now loh.. hahaha... in the end i'm writing a essay of my heart.... siao liao... hahaha... shan't crap anymore le... me go sleep sleep.. hahaha.. tml 8am lect... now 2am liao... hahaha...