i d!= dream

hmm... am i really happy? i looked really happy ah? last nite after the meeting and meetings... went to zouk to chiong... then receive confirmation of a shocking news... and i have no idea how to react to it... the person now seem to be giving me pressure to give him a reply... but i have no idea how... then when me and my friends went down to the dance floor to dance i juz cant find the rite mood at all... i cant feel high at all... in fact i dun feel like moving... juz feel like rotting in one corner... ppl tell me to stop thinking.. but how to? it's a confused mind... but i tried to pei he the crowd and started 'dancing' a bit... and 'smile' a lot also... but then it reached this song... and everyone was like singing, 'i was dying inside to hold u... couldnt believe wat i felt for u... dying inside, i was dying inside but i....' i think that make me break down a bit... coz i know i wasnt dying inside to hold yl... i wanted to hold someone else... the tot seem to be like the keylie song... hahahaahah... 'i juz cant get u out of my head...' maybe change the 'u' to 'it' will be better... coz it's a tot...felt lucky that my phone ran out of batt last nite... so i dun have to get more pressure.. hahahaha... so 'lucky' me... finally came back to sch, went to fong seng to eat supper with my friends then we walked back to the hall... felt like a zoombie... told liyan wat was in my mind but she doesnt seem to understand.. but it's ok... i dont understand myself either... wats the point? then after we bath (the same 3 of us) we went down to x room to watch lord of the rings... or rather they want to watch but i want to sleep... so after a while i juz fall asleep... guess i need the sleep to let my mind rest so that i will have more energy to think abt wat i'm suppose to reply in the morning... woke up in the morning and saw jiemei msg me telling he update his blog le... hahaha... i pei fu him... so 'early' le still cant write blog... i juz drop down to sleep like pig... went to read his blog then make me feel like writing mine... if i din remember wrongly, he say i'm beaming with happiness recently...... hahahaha... really? cant that be fake? well i also dunno... it's of coz a happy tot that someone is trying to woo u... but there juz seem to be so many unknowns... finally gave him a reply after i woke up... or rather he ask me again wat will i do after knowing that he wasnt kidding... told him that i dunno wat to do... maybe shld meet up more then decide... then i ask him the qn that rachel they all asked me.. 'wat do u see in me that make u interested?' hahahaha... so qiao... we had the same reply... 'i dunno' guess liking someone juz doesnt need a reason sometimes.... reminds me of a story abt a boy and a girl who were together and the ger always ask the boy wat he sees in her that make him loves her... but the boy would always say he dunno the reason and that would make the ger angry... then one day the ger met with an accident and remained in coma in the hospital... then the boy wrote to her a letter... ' i love u because u have lovely eyes... but u dun have them now, so i dun love u... i love u because u have a beautiful smile.. but u dun have them now, so i dun love u... ' he listed lots and lots of reasons, and the conclusion seem to be he dun love the ger anymore... but in the conclusion he wrote ' but i still love u because love juz doesnt have a reason.. it dont need a reason... ' hmm... maybe it's not really the exact words in the story but ard there lah... that's wat i remember... anyway, i've come to the the conclusion... abt jonathon... i really dun want to be in touch with him... i dunno why but suddenly i realise i dislike him... quite a strong dislike in fact... coz he msg me and i think that's him who miss call me today, i got kind of irritated seeing the name appearing... hahahaa... that seem to be the only confirmed decision that i can come up with rite now... y it cant be as clear cut for the other issues? tsktsk...hahaha.. think this time i really wrote one whole chunk of words... din even bother to make paragraghs... hahahhaah