i d!= dream

Watching Ah Wang on tv really helps make ppl feel good and happy... hmmm... but the happy feeling dun last long... think it muz be the books i'm reading recently... all so dark and serious... amazing story of Alexander... a highly impressive character that he possessed... but the story is really too 沉重... guess my mood is greatly affected by this great man and his adventures... guess that's y i dun like war too... make ppl feel so bad inside...

anyway, that's not the reason why i blog now.... i've be pondering over something for quite some time... but still no answer to it... which is better? to be a high maintenance girl friend or to be a low maintenance girl friend.... i never quite understand the defination of high or low maintenace... but according to my own defi... i think i can put myself into the low maintenance category? so ppl wat u all think? is it better to be high or low maintenance girl friend? give comments... =)

sometimes i really get angry with myself.... wat's wrong with me? it's not so hard to express myself rite? my mom is rite to say i'm like a stubborn cow... always dun want to let ppl know wat i'm thinking then make other ppl guess.... but ppl wont know wat u thinking unless u say rite?well... got this disgusting feeling that i'm feeling rite now... i dunno wat to do with it...ok fine... think i'm really upset abt it... and i shld really say it out... i'm very upset... 你是猪头啊？ think ppl will anyhow make things for u? of coz not! there're reasons to why i "suddenly" make u cookies... grrr........ u think i 吃饱没事干啊? i got things to do even if it's juz reading a book... and to let u know, i appreciate reading a lot... even if u dun, dun deprieve me of it... sometimes i really think that i'm eating my own words...... last time i say i wont care abt anything in a relationship but i think i'm wrong... last time i say i wont remember any dates and i think i'm wrong again... i shld go SLAP myself! i am upset upset upset...... want to cry le... suddenly i reaslise i dunno how to be a girl friend... i'm lousy.....and i'm unhappy... there's so much things going through my mind now... i juz realise there's so many things that bothers me... family, sch, blah and blah... some how i felt like i've step into a deep pool of mud... or like i'm walking deeper and deeper into the sea... drowning myself... sometimes i wonder if i've got 自闭症.... i cant communicate well with ppl... i envy ppl who can express themselves freely without any problem... i cant... i juz cant.... there are times i tot i could express myself with chinese... at least i think well enough... but i seem to have lose that gift le.... my chinese gone from bad to worst especially since i lose contact with it in jc.... now there's nothing left... my english lousy... even chinese also lousy.... haiz...... feel like i'm trapped within my own walls... but i've got no strength to break it down.... i'm too tired le... mentally drained... a lot of ppl say i've gone siaoz siaoz after the exams... it's true... i dunno wat state i shld be in... there are things i worry but i cant(think it's more of i dun dare to) show... guess that's y i become 狂喜狂悲 so easily... sometimes i really feel bad to the ppl ard me... especially my family... when i'm unhappy or 不爽 they are the first to get it from me.... i'm a bad bad ger....... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! p.s ok... everyone who reads this post... pls dun worry abt me... i think it's bcoz of pms so i really got siaoz siaoz and type all this... sorry if it make u all panick... i'll very soon adjust my mood and i'll get better... =)