i d!= dream

i wonder wat's the age that ppl shld start writing wills.... i thinking of writing one myself.... but realise i haven got much belongings to claim my own.... so wat's the point rite? probably i shld juz tell everyone how much i love them... well, i love my parents... thanks for bringing me onto this world... and i know at least my dad wants me to be happy always... coz i heard wat he said juz now on the trip home... i know he doesnt want me to be sad... then i love my brother... i know i haven been a very good sister bcoz i always fight with him over things and dun really listen to him when he ask me to do things... but he's always so nice... to cheer me up when he know i had a really bad day... he's juz such a good brother to brother to me... then there're my friends especially my st nicks and tj clique... i really love u all! u're the greatest... the best friends that i could ever wish for... u all are always there to support my decisions... no matter good or bad... even when i make stupid mistake u all keep me company and bear the consequences together... thanks so much.... and then of coz there's dear... i love u too... i'm always very stingy to say it to u but dun doubt me for not saying it... i'm really sorry that i always cant really help much at all... and that i din show as much support for u as u wanted me to be... sorry... maybe i'm too selfish that i always think of myself first... that's y i'm not a good gf...
guess that's all for now regarding the ppl i want to tell them i love them... if there's a chance probably there'll be more to be included in the list ba...
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today had been a weird day for me... i've been considering all sorts of suicide methods there are... probably i'm too depressed... i wonder how it would feel if i jump down from a building but realise that my flat is probably a little too low for a success suicide... then i wonder how it feel to have blood dripping out of ur body... as i realise there's actually a knife in my room, that time xqrj dunno who's knife leftover in my belongings, but too bad... it was too blunt... maybe next time sharpen it first... i think i maybe a saddist(correct spelling? my spelling sucks...) to myself... i realise i like to see my own blood... probably that's why i always like to go donate blood if possible... i like to see blood flowing out of myself... am i insane?
haiz... i dunno wat to type liao... think that's it le....