i d!= dream

hahaha.... this week like no time to write anything leh... so now while waiting for liyan to come back eat dinner with me, i shall write a little... hahahaha... think rite now i'm really feeling happier le.... sorted a lot of things out... cleared out lots of junks in my head... now felt so light... hahhaha... think i starting to regain my smiles too... hahaha...no more moody face... even today for lab when the tutor is explaining i was like so happy loh... hahaha.. he ask watever i also tried to answer... even though some i'm not sure wat's the answer but i'm not afraid to try... hahaha... the class macham make up of juz me and the tutor like that... hahahaha... everyone else is like juz keeping quiet loh...
haahaha...this wk quite a lot of events... hahaha.. but think one of the biggest one is the banner hanging in arts... hahaha... was up till 5am that nite loh... and walk alot also... hahaha... walk from ke to arts, then from arts to fongseng, then back to hall hahaha... then on the way we sang so many songs... hahaha... everyone like siao siao liao... from oldies to pop... hahaha...we even sing national athem, national day songs and er ge....hahaha... we crazily sing until the prata shop... hahaha... even in the prata shop we still continue singing loh... hahahah... wat a sing song day.... =P
hahahaha... juz this wk i also let wei jun and liyan know my "secret" loh... that i like jiemei. actually only tell weijun one... coz we were toking abt alot of stuff after dinner in the dinning hall... hahaha.. she also told me alot of things abt herself... hahaha.. think we virgos really click well.. hahahah....then liyan finished her stuff and joined us... hahaha.. then i had to repeat everything to her... hahaha... then liyan juz say she knew it loh... haahaha... say she can guess... hahhahhaa... my lao dou so smart... then they were giving me this and that ideas loh...how and ways that i shld do to let jiemei know i like him... hahahha... laodou even volunteer to help... and she did... she go and spy...but i think she wants to know it herself also...hahaha.. but then things really turn out as i expected... after i tell them that, the feeling's gone.... hahahaa... the usual stuff... maybe is bcoz i'm too pissed... but it doesnt matter anymore... case close.... hahahaha.... but really very thAnkful to both of them... gave me so many advise... hahaha... dunno whether useful or not but still... hahahaha.... then i tell them 2days later that the thing is gone liao... hahaha... they were still very supportive loh... then finally lao dou told me that she think it's not worth it to like him at all... now then she say... hahaha... shld have say earlier mah... she also told me alot of things that she feel loh.... make me think that my final decision is rite!~ heehee...say so many things to me...
hahahaha... anyway, had dinner with jon last nite... hahaha... actually shld go watch the electrico concert one... hahhaa... but then i think i too tired to watch rock band concert le.... so ask him if it's ok to eat dinner only... hahahaa... luckily he say ok... if not i'll be dragging myself in UCC loh... hahaha... the previous nite din sleep till 5am..... hahahaha... i was early then was waiting for jon in clementi bus interchange... hahaha.. then i saw lijie... hahaha... too bad she left too early... if not let her see jon le then they wont keep on ask if there's anything between me and jie mei... hahaha...wasted..... hahaha... then had dinner with jon at S11... hahaha.. the whole day is eaten there loh... afternoon eat lunch with jiemei there after ktv, then at nite went there to eat again... hahaha... luckily is eat different things... hahaha... jon so gentleman... help me buy food... wanted to pay for me again but i still pay him back... hahaha... not nice to everytime get treat... heehee...hmmm... then after dinner got nothing to do... hahaha... dont want to watch movie....so i say i go back sch loh... hahahaa... then jon offered to sent me back... hahahaa... so nice... hahaha.. we were walking to the interchange when this man from SINGTEL stop us... hahahaa... kind of scary loh.... juz stop rite in front of us and ask us wat we use for internet connection... hahaha.. then he got such funny handshake... hahahaha... now think lucky singtel say they want to mend the stall on their own on jam x finals... hahaha... if they want to turn us into PR like that guy, i think i surely cannot make it one... hahahahaa....hmmm... then took bus back to NUS.... alight at com center and saw liyan!~ hahahaha... so qiao... then we cross the road to take bus back to ke... hahaha... when we reached the bus terminal, i din want jon to walk me up tat hill, so i waited with him at the bus terminal for he bus to come... hahaha... had to let liyan walk back first.... finally, btw i got back to room is 9 plus liao... sooo tired that i wanted to collapse on my bed... but then got grammer quiz to do so in the end stay up again...haahahaha... think that's more or less the things that happen for my wk.... will write again when i got other stuff to write.... =p

你爱我的梦

白日梦 带我到无际的天空
那彩虹 感觉到伸手就能立即触碰
云飘过 温柔的就像是你的眼眸
不担心风会把我吹走
只要你紧紧经握住我的手 不放手

你爱我 你这句话让我沉醉在幸福中
变得脆弱 所以你要留下来保护我
你爱我 渴望永远就这样在你的怀中
只想要 你和我 在一起 做梦

白日梦 带我到无际的天空
那彩虹 感觉到伸手就能立即触碰
云飘过 温柔的就像是你的眼眸
不担心风会把我吹走
只要你紧紧经握住我的手 不放手

你爱我 你这句话让我沉醉在幸福中
变得脆弱 所以你要留下来保护我
你爱我 渴望永远就这样在你的怀中
只想要 你和我 在一起 做梦

你爱我 你说我每天出现在你的梦中
我的笑容 让你决定一辈子保护我
你爱我 渴望我永远这样在你的怀中
只想要 陪着我 到天长 地久

i love this song!!!! discover this song when i was doing promotion for xqrj... then keep on hearing it over and over again... very sweet song... hahaha... wonder why the record company didnt use it at all... will melt everyone's heart when they hear it... hahahaha..... anyone wants to buy xqrj cd then??? this song is in it!~~~ hahaha... still got other nice song... me very slow... din realise it until the promotion when they bombard my ears with it... wat a great discovery... hahaha... think those finalist really very li hai... they can actually write such nice songs... (of coz got some not as nice ones... but generally the whole album is good!!~) =]

好辛苦啊。。。 this wk has been really a very xiong wk for me... one whole week of pub drive for xqrj... think i perfected my skills in faking... can juz keep on smiling and smiling and give ppl such a sincere face no matter wat i'm feeling inside... actually manage to make ppl take watever crap that i'm giving out... whether they want it or not... hahhahaha... wat crap... then it took up all my free time...lots of tut and assignment still undone... went to ntu.. and did promotion in sch also.. then got to help close booth for 3 days continuously also.. dunno is i stupid or wat...before closing of booth, many already find excuse to run away liao.. only me 笨笨stay there to help... wat's wrong with my head? why am i always so responsible??? why cant i juz 放下??? then on thurs i was so dizzy the whole day loh... my world is juz spinning and spinning... i juz feel like 缩成一团， 像只猫一样的在地上缩成一团... that day i even skip my eng tut coz i really cant take it anymore... but i force myself to do the promotion for xqrj... juz becoz i was allocated for the slots... why am i so stupid??? some more had to help close the booth... and had to carry all the heavy stuff... 我真是笨。。。and the other gers can juz say they cant carry heavy stuff so they juz carry the light light stuff.... why din i show that i'm not feeling well?? why din i tell them i'm not feeling well??? why did i juz 硬撑??? why from young to now i still haven learn the lesson??? why did i forever juz dunno how to voice out my weakness??? why do i always have to put on a strong front for others??? wat's wrong with me???

anyway, shouldnt think too much abt it le... hmmm... recently juz realise something abt the dreams that i'm having since young.... i'm always trying to escape from someone or something... and the only way that i can save myself from the situation is to wake up... why am i always running away from something? wat's my dreams trying to tell me?? or wat's it trying to reflect?? i really wonder... wat's the meaning??

anyway, next... did some online quiz... found it really very 准... it says when it comes to relationship... i'm always 做作... 明明喜欢一个人， 可是却要装作不喜欢， 而且要与他保持距离。。。the suggestion the quiz give is to tell that person that i like him... hahhaa... 可是说得容易，做却很难啊。。。 i juz cant bring myself to tell the person... hahaha... wat a coward i am... i can juz be friends with the person... but i cant make myself say it... hahaha.... but maybe it's like wat jie mei use to say... maybe bcoz it's not 'the one' that's why i cant say it out... maybe if i really meet the one, i be able to say it out loud... to show the world that i really cant do without the person... hahahah... suddenly tot of this scene in MY BESTFRIEND'S WEDDING... the male lead was telling julie roberts that the ger he's marrying is nv afraid to show him how much she loves him in the public.. that she wont mind hugging him and kiss him in front of the others... but when he was with jr, jr wont allow him to kiss her in the public... hahaha... now i think if i really meet with the one, i mustn't be afraid to show him that i love him... hahaha... wonder if i could really do wat i say now...

hmm... my laptop really got prob le... think i really have to bring it to com centre to fix it le... juz cant get into the net no matter how... funny but i can assess the sch's intranet... stupid netwk... tml bringing com down to com centre with liyan... hahaha... liyan so nice... willing to 陪我去。heehee... hmmm... now come to think of it... i'm really thankful to have liyan as a friend... there's so many things she's willing to do with me... she's really like a pillar of support for me now... now that i'm not really feeling very well emotionally, seeing her i feel better le... coz i know she's always there to help and listen to me crap... no matter wat crap i have to say... there're things that i need not say it out to her, but i know that she understands... and that means so much to me... coz i know i'm not that kind of person who like to speak alot... the fact that she can juz understand even when i say nothing is so special...of coz there's still a lot of stuff that i nv tell her.. but it doesnt matter.. i'm juz glad to have her ard...

i shld really shut off my emotions le... i want to become a 木头!!! then i wont feel miserable, then i wont feel so bother abt those emotion stuff... hahaha... mommy was juz saying i shld bring home someone to fight for food with gor's gf... hahaha... so funny... like it's so easy like that... weird... mommy dont use to talk abt such stuff one loh... suddenly dunno y now come uni she also starts to nag liao... hahahaa... no no no... i shldn't be thinking abt all such stuff... no more emotions.... i muz turn back to my 没心没肝 mode... be 铁石心肠... i can do it one... rather have someone that loves me more than i love him... then i wont have to be so 痛苦... hahahaha... like a cat 要来就来，要走就走。。。dont be so emotionally attached to anyone...

hahaha... guess this blog that i'm writing got no sense of organisation at all... merely writing watever that come into my mind....shld be writing essay now loh.. hahaha... in the end i'm writing a essay of my heart.... siao liao... hahaha... shan't crap anymore le... me go sleep sleep.. hahaha.. tml 8am lect... now 2am liao... hahaha...

hahaha... juz realise my cousin got still read my blog... amazing~ hahaha... coz i tot no one else is reading liao.. but anyway, hmmm... miaomei... i dunno if i'm in the o wk subcomm or not... my fren din tell me anymore details... and actually i dun mind helping u out in the welfare comm... u still need me?? heehee...
anyway, suppose to be doing tut now.. but nvm, wait a while.. hahaha...

hmmm... juz to let my jie mei know... the reason why i need to be organise is to go back to my old self... i really prefer my old self so much... that i can shut off my emotions from other ppl.. that ppl will forever juz see my cheerful side... that's why all the smiley faces and "hahaha" are back to my msg... i shall be juz as cheerful as before... and i can continue to fu yan ppl... hahaha... looks like being organise and being old self got no link rite? =] but then actually there's lots of link... being my old self means that i can free my brains from a lot of other interferring thoughts which now i think is of no use... then my brain can come out with the proper list of things that i can do... hahahah... chim rite? bet u dont understand but it's ok... it's not meant for u to understand anyway... it's my own life... i do watever i like with it... even if it makes me into one fake person with no emotions at all... mask shall be on my face for all times... i dun want to let anyone knows anything i feel le... there's no pt... hahahah... =]

think i'm pretty good at faking...today at ntu promotions... even though i'm tired and hungry.. i can juz continue to put on a big wide smile for everyone... even if they ignore me, and dont take my flyers... hahahah... me not bad... next time go be PR surely very good one... hmmm... met a few frens in ntu today...alot of them from work, then got from st nicks then got from tj... hahaha.. even those that i dunno well one can still remember me... hahaha... quite surprise... but still glad to see them... long long time nv see them liao... it's good to be able to see them once in a blue moon... heehee...

hmmm... overall, today is a tiring day.... stand for the whole morning and afternoon... but nvm, shall juz keep on smiling... *grinz* *smiles* =]

如果浴缸里的水能够全被倒出的话，我爱你。
浴缸里的水能被全被倒出吗？
能。。。所以我爱你。

was trying to create a blogskin for my blog.. then suddenly remember this quote from one of the books i read... so decided to add it into the blog as one of the entries...=]

heehee~~~ think i making change to my life le... i shall return to my old self... juz yesterday i think i'm more organise than before le... i handed in my eng assignment, eat with my mom, bought a broom and dustpan when i was in clementi with mom, then sweep my floor, mop the floor 3 times!!!~ heehee... and not with a mop, but with a piece of cloth... floor is really clean now... then i watch 2 maths lec webcast, took down notes... found time to nap for 2 hrs... heehee.... then ate dinner with liyan and wei jun... went to wei jun's rm to tok, then at 10 went down to help clean up x rm... after that went to make the guess box... (think i do have a flare in wood craft... i can drill in the screw perfectly into the wood, then i saw the wood perfectly also.. the edge is all smooth and straight!! heehee... then today was painting the box's frame.. paint perfectly also... hahahaha) after that, went to bathe with kim keng.. heehee... finally return to my rm and then start to do my maths tutorial... yeah!!! even though i only slept at 3... but then i feel that i have kind of return to my normal self... i manage to find time to work, play and have rest... heehee... happy happy... guess i know why my network is siao siao le... it's a chance for me to sort my things out... to know wat are my priorities in life... shldnt juz spent my days sitting in front of the com and do nothing else... glad that i manage to sort things out... heehee.... anyway, juz yesterday i kind of join engine o wk sub comm... hahahaha... think i really living my life to the fullest in uni.. join so many things... hmmm.. wanted to join the sub comm so that i will be more attached to the engine ppl... if not i like dunno much ppl in engine.. heehee... think i siao liao... if i really got into the sub comm then i will be in logistic.. hahaha... wonder if i'll make it for that....
nvm, now that i got my life back to normal... i shall not be worried abt having not enough time... i will survive..!!! heehee... shall start to show my leadership skills...
toking abt leadership skills... i really wonder if the heads in my xqrj comm got the right abilities to lead the whole comm... juz after the poly promotion, victor sent out a yahoo gp mail saying how disappointed he was in us... that he cannot feel the big family bond that the comm wanted to create... hahahahha... so am i.... i'm kind of disappointed in the comm.. even i think i commit more than some ppl inside... and the communication is a mess! the leaders did not display enough power to control the whole comm... ppl in the comm dunno wat each of us are suppose to do.... no proper instruction.. then when things goes wrong, they start to critise ppl... wat the ****... then the meeting drag so long... no agenda for the meeting somemore... progress is unknown to everyone... wat the ****... and tok abt the big family feeling... pls........... the whole comm is already make up of 3/4 malaysians... how do we the rest who are not m'sians poke into the "strong" bond between them??? it's not like we did not make any efforts loh... they juz form their own group...wat are the rest suppose to do then??? already 1mth plus liao loh... the leaders are still unable to let the whole comm bond well together.... i wonder if they are able to do it for the next 3 mths...lucky i'm not one of the head in the comm... if not i'll surely vomit blood... so disorganise... not as if they dunno wat are suppose to be done, but juz no one does it.... if only i can be more heck care... then i wont bother to help out so much... waste my time and efforts....

hahaha.. think today i got alot to tok abt....
anyway, i think i can come to the conclusion that it's in gers nature to lead ppl on... that gers propably enjoy it alot...
y? coz i think i'm quilty of that too... know that i dun really have much to tok to jon... but then when he called last night at 1 plus, i still go along and crap with him... shld have juz come out with any excuse to not tok to him.. but then i juz continue to crap with him loh... wonder if it's my ying chuo skills really excellent or wat... i actually crap 1hr with him... tsktsk... think my phone bills wont go down this mth either... wonder why my calls are all at night when i dont have free incoming... hahaha.. shld go and change my hp plan... hmmm... think i really changed after i come to uni... really a lot!!! last time i'm always the most pratical person loh... not emotional, juz plain organised and simple... now i'm no longer so pratical loh.. not organised also... more and more emotional also... wonder why this change... i think rachel is so right!! she from the start points out that i can't be forever so practical one.. and that i listen to my head instead of my heart is bcoz i have yet to experience them yet... and i think wat she say is so true.. i'm juz so afraid to let other ppl know i have a soft side also... that i shld always be so prim and proper all the time.. that i shld always remain not emotional at all... funny.. i have not been thru the rebellious phase of my life yet... maybe i'll soon reach that stage... then i wont listen to my parents, do watever i like... hahahah... sound like a fantasy to me... think i siao liao...
anyway, bcoz of the unwillingness to let ppl know wat i feel, i think i become kind of weird also... once i let others know that i like some one, i will not like him anymore... happens so many times le... first got jon, then got yayi... weird me... wonder why....hmmm... maybe i shld keep all my likes secret.. then i will continue to like that person longer and longer... hahahaha... siao me...
hmm.. k lah.. think i bette go do my english hmwk le... if not tml surely kena from the teacher one... =p

hmmm... dont feel like continuing with the part two of my previous previous previous post le... think it's abit too past le... hahaha... anyway, suppose to do english paragraphs but juz feel like dragging it... hmmm... today dunno shld i say it's a good or bad day... went down to nee agn poly to do xqrj promotion... quite sianz... din really want to interact with the ppl... think that's bcoz i slept too late last night...then some of the ppl also not very friendly... dunno why i smile so nicely to them anyway... =p
but got four leaves bread for lunch!!~ hahaha.. so happy... long time nv eat nice nice bread le.... happy happy... hahaha... took bus back to sch then... went for living with maths tutorial... din do any qns at all.. feel so quilty... heehee.. then dunno why, i think the tutor know who i am... din hear my name when he marks attendance... but then when i go and check with him, found out that he tick beside my name liao... oh no... he seems to know who i am but i dunno who he is.... wonder if he had teach me some where before... tsktsk....
after tutorial went back to hall to fax canvessing letter with liyan... went to da lao ban's rm to fax... hahaha... tok a while with lao ban... crap alot actually... wonder why everyone's so amazed that me and liyan are good frens... we juz are... and i love liyan!!~ hahaha... though sometimes she do makes me a little irritated.. but i guess it's the same for her... i can be really irritating sometimes.. heehee... glad that she's willing to tahan me... =p
hmmm.. after faxing came back to tidy up my clothes for washing... walked back to rm to wait for the clothes to be done.. hahaha.. in the end i land on my bed and had a long long nap... slept till 6... went down to collect my clothes then see liyan coming back.. hahaha.. so asked her to wait for me to have dinner together... reached the washing rm then see only half of my washings done... one of the washing machine dunno why the clothes are not spin dry... all wet wet one.. still got soapy feeling somemore... so i washed them one more time... after that, is dinner time!!~ heehee... today dinner got ribs... but then it's so hard that i had difficulties eating... juz tighten my braces... then still feel very pain when i bite loh... esp the front tooth and the right back tooth... bite until i want to cry... same for the rockmelon that we had... that stupid melon is really like rock to me loh... soo hard... bite till like my teeth going to drop liao... some more no choice, can only use the front teeth to eat.... hao bu rong yi then finish my dinner... went to check on the clothes again... but the results is still the same!!! irritating... so liyan pressed spin mode for me..
but it's still no use... argh!!!!
i went back to my rm then started to watch charmed!!! heehee... then during one of the commercial break i went to collect the clothes... argh!!!! it's still wet... in the end i gave up... juz carry all the wet clothes back... squeeze dry myself...on the way to the washing rm.. saw the guy that i got paired up with during the hall formal dinner last time.. hmmm... he look more shuai in normal clothes... haahaha... but then nv saw hi to him.. hahaha... was rushing to get the clothes so that i can rush back to watch my charmed!!~ yeah!~ but then quite sad leh... while watching charmed i had to turn and squeeze dry my clothes... now my hands still all red from the turning loh... =( then my floor also got abit wet coz not all water went into the pail.... tsktsk... finally finish all that then dried my clothes outside... hope it doesnt rain tonight... =p
hahaha...today like tv day for me... even though got english to do but i juz continue watching tv.. heehee.. juz watch the swan... not too bad... quite entertaining... make me more conscious of myself also... hahaha.. shall go on a diet then... but then think it's quite hard for me to really go on diet.. hahaha.. every week end my parents will feed me with all the delicious food.. heehee... =p
hmmm... now listening to the pirated FIR cd that liyan had burnt for me... heehee... hahaha... nice... not bad... =]

茉莉花
好一朵美丽的茉莉花 好一朵美丽的茉莉花
芬芳美丽满枝桠 又香又白 人人夸
* 不让谁把心摘下 就等那个人爱呀
茉莉花呀茉莉花 谁当我情人 茉莉花
# 你说我真好 什么都好 谁当我情人 作梦都会笑
我望着窗外的街角 看到心酸走来 幸福走掉
Repeat *
#你说我真好 比谁都好 有适合的人要帮我介绍
如果我真的那么好 你为什么不要 为什么不要
好一朵美丽的茉莉花 好一朵美丽的茉莉花
芬芳美丽满枝桠 又香又白人人夸 茉莉花呀茉莉花

Note: Wah~ i'm amazed!~ hahahah... last time in st nicks we always have to sing this song for music lesson... but i nv tot that it could be changed like that... dunno how the song sounds like, but is really amazed by the writer to add in lyrics of such meanings in the song... peifu peifu... wonder if i'll be able to write song like that... maybe i shld try one day....

接受
彷佛上一分钟 你还陪在我左右
还以为我们会开花结果
我还记得玫瑰色天空 却模糊了我们的脸孔
哼过的歌到底有什么内容
* 彷佛已经自由 下一刻我变成风
吹过你的领空 差点失控
回忆在夜里闹得很凶
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想让你知道我懂 却担心言不由衷
# 我们都接受 一定是彼此不够成熟
在爱情里分不了轻重 诚实得过了头
不能退后也无法向前走
爱是一个自私的念头
把寂寞消除的理由
剩下的那些感动 能记得多久
Repeat * #

Note: hmm... quite some time din update le... recently have being listening to this song a lot... heehee... really very nice.. though it's sad... din really look at the lyrics until now... hahahah...